My bedroom and general workspace is a mess. A flurry of papers and CDs and notes and magazines.
Mess.
It's a little embarrassing. I'm 25. You'd think I'd have my shit more together than this.
However. It is also a little exciting. Because rather than my room being cluttered with the random crap that would've made it a mess even two years ago, it's now full of music journalism stuff. CDs from bands, PR people, and record labels. Notes and research from previous interviews. Ideas written on pieces of scrap paper (some of which I've actually been inspired enough to actualize). Contact information. Concert ticket stubs. The past seven issues of Esquire magazine...
That's all it is. My field disaster area of dreams. Oh. And four loads of unfolded laundry.
I'd rather scrub three toilets and cook dinner all week than fold one load of laundry.
For the musical theatre nerd enthusiast and lover of all things cute (regardless of how much we refuse to admit to it) in us all... Best wedding toast ever:
Dork: check! If that is in any way not 100% real, I will cut you if you tell me. It's like the Christian the Lion* video. Real? Fake? I don't care. I'd prefer to live the lie.
The past two weeks have been weird. Life is taking all sorts of left turns on me-- which is fine. I'm always along for the ride. Sometimes I have to white-knuckle it a bit through the scarier parts, but that's okay. Because those are the best parts... or the parts that lead to something 100 times better... or the parts that make you truly appreciate when life is kind to you.
These changes require no white-knuckles, though. If anything, this is the part where things start to get really exciting. But it's all vapor. So I've been quiet about most of it. There's nothing real to discuss-- yet. 2008 has been nothing if not interesting.
(Unrelated:) I looked at this and it kind of surprised me:
My top 25 most-played songs on iTunes. Really, 9 and 10? And 20, 21, and 22, I don't believe you guys at all.
I'm just typing. Droning on. Navel-gazing. To be 100% honest, I'm just trying to make this look like a blog entry. I'm truly only here because I wanted to post that wedding video.
*At exactly 1:05 and for a few seconds after, I couldn't decide whether to be filled with inspiration or sheer terror.
My heart currently belongs to Etsy.com. I guess my personal style is beginning to reflect the fact that I'm 67 years old. It was $12 and exactly what I've been looking for. I showed it to Madeline this afternoon. I told her that it is currently the only one like it. There was only one for sale. She looked at me seriously. She grabbed my arm. She said, "Brianne. You have to buy it. Buy it. Just buy it, dude. Just buy it right now."
Madeline is weird and quirky and lovely in all the ways that I need my friends to be. There are times when you can see her processing life. Just taking moments in. Those used to be the times when I least understood Madeline. Now they're one of the primary reasons I adore her.
I've been drinking wine from the bottle tonight. It's one of those nights. An old picture found its way to me and I instinctively reached for the bottle and haven't put it down since.
Butch Walker provides the soundtrack for that relationship. When said boy and I parted ways, "Best Thing You Never Had" became all I needed in life. And I have no idea why because the breakup was primarily my doing. If anyone had any right to post-breakup bitterness, it certainly wasn't me.
However. The craziness did show when the green turned to red. And he was the one who drove my ass right to the grave.
Okay, no. That song is exactly right, word-for-word-- regardless of where we've decided to place the blame today.
Anyway. I bought knitting needles and yarn earlier in the evening. Every winter, I say, "I'm going to learn how to do this." And then I don't learn how to do this. But 2008 is the year that that all changes. 2008 is the year that I learn how to knit. I can just feel it.
Maybe I'd never really listened to it before. Maybe I just hadn't experienced enough life to truly hear it. But I just felt the song "All These Things That I've Done" by The Killers. It was the first song I really liked by the band. ... Funny how these things come full circle. I think you can know before you ever really know.
I have no idea what the song is really about, but in my mind, it was written about me.
Another head aches, another heart breaks I'm so much older than I can take And my affection, well it comes and goes I need direction to perfection, no no no no
Sometimes things are like that. Music is like advice in that way. Sometimes things sound right. And you can appreciate them for their goodness and because you have a certain relationship with the source. But that doesn't mean that they fit. When something is right, it fills this puzzle piece of a void. It's a light bulb moment. You don't have to mash a square edge into a round corner just to finish the puzzle.
Anyway. Brandon Flowers looks like a different dude every time I see him.
My favorite game, it seems, is Have You Seen My Glasses?, followed closely by Hey, Can You Call My Cell Phone? because I apparently enjoy hiding things from myself.
Self-imposed thrills.
I have come to terms with the fact that I will never, never be able to ice skate. So if I make a snide remark about a figure skater, just know that it comes from a place of hurt and defeat.
